When was the last time you received a beautifully-wrapped present? Didn’t the fun moment of holding it generate feelings of wonder and anticipation? In the unwritten rules of gift-giving, if someone who loves you offers you a beautifully-wrapped gift, the first thing you do in order to make it yours is to reach out and receive it. Often you say “Thank you” before opening it, knowing the person who lovingly chose the gift had you in mind when selecting it. In order to enjoy the gift, however, you must unwrap it to discover what’s inside. What a joy to find a present that is perfect to your liking and for your needs! Gratitude overflows toward the one who chose the gift for you.

            This gift analogy came to me a number of years ago as I attempted to write my personal testimony. It helped me understand my faith journey.

            “Write your testimony in less than 300 words.” The assignment for my church’s evangelism class seemed simple. It wasn’t. I grappled with the challenge as I realized something was missing from my story.

            Recalling my faith development took me back to age nine when I joined the church, giving as much of myself to Jesus as I knew how to give during an altar call at the end of a revival. During my growing-up years, the church was the hub of our family. Ours was one of those there-every-time-the-doors-were-open families and our church friends became our extended family. However, in the frenzy of doing church, I soon felt my value was based on the things I did (or didn’t do), rather than on who God is and who He says I am in His instruction book for life, the Bible.

            During my childhood and teen years, I learned a lot about God yet never really felt I had an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I believed in God and that He cared for me. I can even remember making repeated commitments of my life to Him. I felt I had to do something to earn God’s favor and thus impress Him and others with my holiness. I carried this attitude into my adult life, striving to do enough good things to merit God’s love.

            When I married my former husband, I believed I was following God’s direction for my life to be a minister’s wife. With perfectionistic tendencies, I tried to fulfill the “best-minister’s-wife-ever” role, yet discovered my spiritual gas tank registered empty. I remember assuming a role of leadership in our Houston church, which my husband planted. My intentions were good, but the motives of my heart were selfish: I craved recognition and praise more than I wanted to honor God with my actions. The job became laborious as I tried to lead in my own strength.

            I was ill-prepared when tragedy struck our family. Two weeks after being diagnosed with leukemia, our three-year-old daughter died. My world turned upside down as I struggled to make sense out of the grief. Truly pondering the meaning of life and death for the first time, I felt helpless and out of control. I was sad, bitter, and angry at God. I couldn’t understand why a loving God would allow our little girl to be taken from us. Gradually, however, as our church family loved and encouraged us, we clung to our mustard-seed-sized faith and cried out to God to heal our broken hearts. We returned to the busyness of our daily lives: my husband to tending to the needs of our growing congregation and I to the responsibilities of our growing family.   

            Recognizing my need to sink my roots deeper into God, I joined a women’s weekly study at our church that included Bible study, sharing, and praying for personal concerns. For several years, I grew in my faith and healed from my grief. God used that special time to prepare me for the next and most devastating time of my life–a divorce that I did not want. When I said “I do” to becoming a pastor’s wife, I never dreamed the marriage would end before death parted us. Facing a shattered, upside-down world again, I knew I had to trust God for my strength. Feeling guilty and ashamed, I endured a discouraging time of limbo when, at times, the only certainty I felt was an inner conviction of God’s love for me and His reassurance that He would be with me, no matter what.

            Since I had no money, no job, and no place to live, I relocated my two young children and myself, at the gracious invitation of my widowed mother, to her home in Waco, Texas. Survival was the name of the game. I felt like I was walking in a dense fog surrounded by high mountains in a land of exile. I wondered if my pain would ever cease so I might enjoy life again.

            I struggled to reestablish personal identity and the self-esteem that had been stripped away by the pain of rejection. Broken marriage. Shattered dreams and hopes. Disconnected family. Lost ministry. During the uncertainty and hopelessness of that time, I cried out to God, “Help, Lord, I can’t do this alone!” In my weakness, I discovered the sufficiency of Christ to meet my needs.

            It had been three months since our move, and I knew I had to find a job. Seeking God’s will for my employment, I went forward during a special prayer time with the church elders in a Sunday morning worship service. That evening after church, my children and I were enjoying double-dip cones at an ice cream parlor when I recognized Nancy and Fred Grimes, some friends from my previous Waco church. We caught up on life events since we had last seen each other. The next day Nancy phoned Lois Marie Freeman, the wife of the senior pastor of my former church. (My husband had interned as a youth pastor as part of his seminary work at that church. When I moved back to town, I couldn’t bring myself to return to that church where we had served together; it was too painful.)

            The phone rang unexpectedly the next day. “Linda, this is Lois Marie Freeman. Nancy called to let me know of your meeting last night. Dick and I were so sorry to hear about your circumstances and wanted to invite you to come back to our church. I’ll be happy to meet you next Sunday and show you where the classes for the children are and escort you to a welcoming Sunday school class.”

            As our conversation was ending, Lois asked, “What are your job plans?” At that point, I had no answer. “Dick is interviewing for a secretary this week. Why don’t you come by and throw your hat in the ring? Just call him and set up an appointment.” I interviewed on Friday, was hired, and went to work on the following Monday!

            In retrospect, I believe that job was a gift from God. It morphed from a means-to-earn-a-paycheck into a ministry. (Three pastors and 34½ years later, I retired from that position in the fall of 2016.) What a broad lens Dick Freeman used to see more than my brokenness and recognize God’s potential in me, potential I could not begin to envision in myself! Very gradually, healing did come as God used my children, my mom, my job, my friends, my church, the acceptance of my circumstances, and positive choices to move on with life.

            God also used the time I gave to Him in prayer and Bible study to reassure me of His love and care for me. Isaiah 43:1-3a (NIV)* spoke to me personally: “But now this is what the Lord says–He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.’”

            How awesome to realize that the Creator of the universe knows me personally by name! And, He calls me by name to be His own and promises to be with me through the floods and fires of life. This realization brought deep peace, comfort, and hope.

            At another time, I read Romans 9:16:“So then God’s gift is not a question of human will and human effort, but of God’s mercy. It depends not on one’s own willingness nor on his strenuous exertion as in running a race, but on God’s having mercy on him” (Amplified Bible). Upon reading that verse, I understood for the first time that God’s merciful gift of forgiveness for actions that separated me from Him was His choice, not because I deserved it or because I had done enough good deeds to merit His reward. I knew something special had happened to me because I experienced, in the midst of my painful circumstances, a joy that had no explanation other than the acceptance of that truth. I felt I had received an emotional healing.

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*Scripture quotes are from the New International Version (NIV) unless otherwise noted.

However, after experiencing an emotional high for several weeks, I suffered a relapse to my old ways as I began focusing on my circumstances instead of on God’s truth from His

Word. I began to doubt the validity of my Romans 9:16 experience. During that period of

roller-coaster highs and lows, I learned that my feelings cannot be the basis of knowing God’s presence in my life. The reality of His presence is based on His unconditional love for me and my acceptance of that love. It was not until I was writing the evangelism class testimony a year later that I understood what all this meant.

            As I continued to do a lot of right things for the wrong reasons, I struggled with lack of assurance in my relationship with God and conviction that I was heaven-bound. I didn’t know that reality could be a part of my life. God put a word picture in my mind that helped me understand:

                        It was as if I had been given a beautifully-wrapped gift when I joined the church. As I matured, I carried that gift with me, sometimes holding it up, self-righteously, for others to see; sometimes setting it aside, overwhelmed by my busy activities; sometimes striving by my work, work, work, trying to prove my worthiness of it; sometimes hiding it behind my back when I wanted to make sinful choices. Upon close examination, I discovered a nametag on the gift with my name on it! God wanted me to OPEN and possess all of that gift, not merely carry it around. I didn’t have to earn it; I would never be worthy of it. My part was to RECEIVE what God wanted to give me because He loved me unconditionally and made a way to connect with me through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

            As I studied the materials for the evangelism class that had requested my testimony, I read the statements to guide others in making a commitment to Christ:

• I know that I am a sinner.
• I know that I cannot save myself.
• I know that You love me.
• I know that You died on the cross for my sins.
• I repent of every known sin, especially for running my life without You.
• I invite You personally to come into my heart to dwell and take complete control of my life.
• I know on the authority of God’s Word that You have come in and that You will never leave me nor forsake me.

            I finally got it! I knew what was missing from my story! A relationship with God had nothing to do with my performance; doing good things did not equal an authentic relationship with Christ. His offer of unconditional love was a free gift–available if I humbly chose to receive it. I did choose to receive God’s gift of forgiving grace. The result? A new, life-giving relationship with the Creator of the universe! Wow! What an incredible gift in the middle of my broken world to boost my healing! It did not change my circumstances, but it gave me a new, eternal perspective on them.

Embracing and verbalizing this prayer of commitment, I recognized Jesus’ role in my relationship with God and my eternal destiny. I chose to receive and open the gift God had placed before me the previous year.

            What did God want me to possess? He wanted to give me a personal relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ, who died on a cross to bridge the gap between an imperfect me and a perfect God. I am so thankful I chose to receive and open the free gift God offered me that pivotal night in my life in January, 1983. God wanted me to know Christ in my heart, not just know about Christ in my head.

            As I strained to balance the binding daily demands of nurturing my children, adapting to financial constraints, re-directing the self-pity spawned by loneliness, juggling work, health, and self-care needs, the struggle became part of the solution. Little by little, I welcomed God’s daily presence and direction in my life which became like a treasure hunt with many heavenly gifts to discover.

            The verse, II Corinthians 5:17 (CEB), came alive for me: “So then, if anyone is in Christ, that person is part of the new creation. The old things have gone away, and look, new things have arrived.” I began to see butterflies as a tangible symbol of what was happening in my life. Captivated by the beauty and variety of these fascinating creatures, I learned that distinct life-cycle stages characterize a butterfly’s development. Because of its amazing transformation from a caterpillar, a butterfly symbolizes resurrection and new life. I recognized similarities between the metamorphosis of a butterfly and my own life.

Upon my move to Waco, I envisioned myself as a caterpillar, a fragile little worm, crawling and vulnerable in an overwhelming world. Role-models in my church family affirmed, encouraged, and counseled me, offering a cocoon-like shelter for my shaken faith to be firmly re-established. Just as a butterfly struggles to break out of its cocoon, with God’s help I began to break through the challenges that encased my soul, mind, heart, and body. The struggle played a significant role in my recovery. With a new eternal perspective, I learned to depend on Christ for my strength to face the day-to-day priorities, learn new job skills, build healthy relationships, and embrace a re-purposed life. Prayer and scripture nourished my hungry soul and thirsty spirit. Exercise increased my physical stamina. New friendships nurtured my heart.

The process was more than re-habilitation or re-education. I was being re-created! I learned to love and laugh again. (I have been married over 30 years to the godly man God brought into my life four years after my move to Waco.) Gratitude replaced my inward focus. I discovered new and meaningful opportunities for ministry and service as I Corinthians 1:2-4 promises: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” Becoming a “re-creation” (new creation) in Christ prepared me to spread my wings and learn to soar.

Assurance comes when we realize and believe that eternal life is a gift–it is not deserved and it cannot be earned. John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Based on that promise, I am confident that my life now and forever is in God’s hands. The relationship I currently enjoy with Christ will be extended by my death into eternity.

But that provision is not just for me. Perhaps there is an emptiness in your life that you have tried to fill in ineffective ways. Nothing or no one can fill that vacuum but Jesus. God promises a relationship with Jesus Christ and the gift of eternal life to anyone who places his or her trust in His Son. Just as my name was on the gift, so is yours. John 6:47 (NCV) says: “Whoever believes has eternal life.” How simple it is, yet how difficult we make it by refusing to accept the gift freely given for you and me.

If God is tugging at your heart, please pay attention, and pray the commitment statements listed earlier. Don’t put God off another moment. Eternity can begin for you today, and you can enjoy the present-day part as you grow in a daily relationship with God.

Does this mean life will be problem-free if you say yes to Christ today? No! I have experienced many joys and blessings, but new “floods and fires” have impacted my life as well, tempting me to take my eyes off Jesus and focus on the circumstances around me. However, I can testify to God’s faithfulness in those challenges. As I have experienced God’s presence and leadership in my life, He has expanded my understanding of Scripture, “For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

The treasure hunt I mentioned earlier has helped me discover the depth and dependability of God’s attributes and His direction of my life. Some of those include:

• God loves me. “For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:38-39
• God strengthens and upholds. “So do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
• God cares. “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7
• God infuses me with hope. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
• God is always with me. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there. If I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will guide me, Your hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:7-10
• God can be trusted to guide me. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

These are but a sampling of the riches I have discovered by searching God’s Word. As I have shared my testimony with you I hope you have glimpsed an ordinary life that has been shepherded and sustained by an extraordinary God.

Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual conditions surround our lives. Over some of them we have no control. But many of those conditions present personal choices. The best choice I ever made was to receive the gift of Jesus Christ into my life. My acceptance of that gift turned my life around. In the years since that acceptance, my relationship with Christ has grown as I have nurtured it in the company of other Christians. I’ve discovered that God’s partnership in my life is sufficient as I seek to honor Him and to stand in the strength He gives for purposeful daily living. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

And so I ask you: Have you received the gift of relationship and eternal life Christ offers you by name? Are you enjoying this beautiful package purchased in full by Jesus on the cross? In Revelation 3:20, Jesus promises: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear My voice and open the door, I will come in and eat with you, and you will eat with Me.” Eagerly and patiently, Christ waits for your answer. Will you accept and open the precious gift Jesus longs to entrust to you?